An end to insomnia

Its been a while since I last posted. It wasn't because I had nothing say, on the contrary, I had too much to say. I don't like to complain, so I have tendency to keep my frustrations bottled up inside. I've been a real insomniac for the what seemed like months. It's almost impossible to sleep when you have this overwhelming feeling of impending doom. I knew my wife was eventually going to lose her job. It was only a matter of time. She has been the main bread winner for the better half of our marriage. I'm still in school for Network System Management, so its really debilitating to know that there was little I could do save us financially. The reality is my wife is a high paid executive and I'm just a blue collar worker that has barely broken a $10 an hour salary. When her company started to restructure, 150 people lost their jobs, including myself, and she was demoted, and forced to take a pay cut or quit. I told her that the best thing to do was to stay until she found a job. The only problem was that she works over 60 hours a week and rarely had time to spend with our daughter let alone look for a job. Since I lost my contract with the company as the painter, my nights and days were completely free. I spent most of my days taking care of my little girl as usual, and looking for jobs for mommy. Finally, my work paid off and I actually wound up finding a better job for her. Its as if a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Now, I can concentrate on my studies and organizing a emergency fund for the house. I plan on never having to go through that crap again.

aliscott_2008

The Wanderer

Most of my childhood memories can be perfectly framed staring out the rear window of car. For reasons beyond my control, I became a habitual runaway, racing from one life to the next as fast as any form of transportation could carry me. As the son of a mother in the military, there wasn't much I could do. At a very young age, I became adept at saying goodbye to friends and family, so much so that even to this day it is difficult for me to form deep long lasting relationships. Its as if there's some sort of psychological clock counting down the minutes till midnight, to the moment when the very fabric of this reality will be torn only to reveal another beginning.
I often find myself envious of those with friends they've had since childhood, friends they still know and interact with to this very day. Its as if they became more than just friends; they became family. The reality is, I will never know that feeling. The longest relationship I've ever had is with my wife whom I've known since 2001. Sometimes, I think the reason I love her so much is because in the back of mind, destiny stands with sword in hand, waiting to tear through this reality only to show me another beginning. So I embrace her, waiting for reality to cheat me out of my happiness again. The truth is before I met her, I was almost certain I would spend the rest of my life alone. Most people told me I was too young to think that way. Its not that I was too young, its just that I am a die hard realist. It was only by chance that I even met her. Had I not worked in a that candy store in the airport, I would have never been there to receive that phone call, and I would have never met the best friend I would ever have in my entire life. As miraculous as that may be, I by no means attribute this chance meeting to some sort of plan set up by some deity. I've always believed that if you find love, you should hold on to it like grim death, because the probability that you'll find someone else that finds your eccentricities to be endearing is slim to none.
I don't have a lot friends, but what I do have is a wife and daughter, and although there isn't a whole lot I can teach my daughter about maintaining personal relationships, what I can teach her is the importance of friends and how a true friend can be like a glass of water on a hot day. Just so refreshing....

aliscott_2008